IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, think that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent days, there has been an ongoing argument regarding the methodology of awarding outstanding admission, as some human race believes admission shall be recognised based on who they sustain the optimum level of excellence,
while
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 others insist that
students
Use synonyms
 who spot their mistakes and improve their performance should
also
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 be rewarded.
Therefore
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, in
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both points of view and explain why I agree with the statement that indicates the top performer shall be rewarded. Outstanding
students
Use synonyms
 spend most of their daily hours in elevating knowledge , pinpointing areas for improvement and acquiring new skills , which are key factors in boosting and enhancing the level of understanding in order to remain in the highest levels of success.
For instance
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, a survey undertaken in Japan revealed that 88 per cent of
students
Use synonyms
 who consumed over 10 hours on a daily basis in studying
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have great opportunities to remain in the top class levels. Other
students
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 who worked around the clock to elevate their academic levels and look for ways to achieve top ranks will showcase their professionalism and consistent efforts to upgrade the current situation , which will lead to healthy
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 and an exciting environment.
Moreover
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, a best practice was captured in China ,
considerin
Use the right word
considering
show examples
 that lower-level
students
Use synonyms
 work in groups to highlight and study the main factors of their low grades.
This
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 initiative resulted in major enhancements in their
overall
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 degree.
To sum up
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, high achievers deserve to be rewarded for their extraordinary efforts ,
while
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 improved ones shall be encouraged to compete with them.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. It should clearly state your opinion on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, so it's easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger.
Task Achievement
You presented both views well, showing good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You made an effort to provide real-world examples, which is great.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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