IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Destination of UK graduate and postgraduate students (excluding full-time work) in 2008”

The bar charts illustrate the destinations of UK
graduates
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 and
postgraduates
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 in 2008 who did not enter full-time
work
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 after leaving college.
Overall
Linking Words
,
further
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 study was the most common option for both
graduates
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 and
postgraduates
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, followed by part-time
work
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. Voluntary
work
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 was the least chosen path in both groups.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the number of graduate students in each category was significantly higher than that of
postgraduates
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. In detail, around 29,665
graduates
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 opted for
further
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 study, compared to 2,725
postgraduates
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. Part-time
work
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 attracted 17,735
graduates
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,
while
Linking Words
 only 2,535
postgraduates
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 chose
this
Linking Words
 route. Unemployment affected 16,235
graduates
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 and 1,625
postgraduates
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, making it the third most common outcome for both groups. Voluntary
work
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 was the least popular option, with just 3,500
graduates
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 and only 345
postgraduates
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 taking
this
Linking Words
 path. The data
also
Linking Words
 highlights that the gap between
graduates
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 and
postgraduates
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 was especially large in all categories, reflecting the smaller number of postgraduate students
overall
Linking Words
. In conclusion,
while
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 most
graduates
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 and
postgraduates
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 continued their education or took part-time jobs, very few engaged in voluntary
work
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 after college in 2008.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples and details to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and flows smoothly to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied sentence structures to enhance the essay's readability.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear overview of the data presented.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main findings of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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