IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extend do you agree/ disagree with this option?

Taking care of old
people
Use synonyms
 is an individual responsibility in many countries.
However
Linking Words
, in Britain ,it is the government’s duty to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social and medical care assistance for them to ensure their mental and physical well-being. I completely agree that governments should be in charge of the financial
support
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 above the age of 60, as they used to pay taxes to the government
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they need professional medical
support
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is hard for individuals to provide. On the one hand, old
people
Use synonyms
 used to be
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
 before getting retired, which means that they invested a portion of their monthly income with to government to be used when needed.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada, employees pay about 40% of their annual salaries
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the government
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, they are getting
this
Linking Words
 money back via different paths
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 when they get old ,
such
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 as providing them with a nurse if their health condition requires and
Use synonyms
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 social activities to keep them engaged in the community. So I believe that governments should cover all the financial needs for the
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals in the old
people
Use synonyms
’s families may not have the medical qualifications to help them to provide the proper medical help as they are not
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 field.
For instance
Linking Words
, a nurse would be more professional in preparing a healthy meal for a diabetic
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
man
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
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 his age, weight, and health issues.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, I think governments should ensure that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
health-care
Use the right word
health care
show examples
 is provided for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in the
community
Punctuation problem
community,
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 as
this
Linking Words
 can help to maintain healthy societies. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 individuals can be responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 paying for the
elderly
Check wording
elderly's
show examples
 health-care and social activities. I believe it is the government’s responsibility to provide the financial
support
Use synonyms
 for
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 requirements of old
people
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they were
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 medical professionals to deal with them.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good. However, you could summarize your main points more clearly in one sentence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are mostly well-organized, but adding clear topic sentences can help readers follow your ideas. Make sure each paragraph directly supports your main argument.
Task Achievement
Some examples are good, but try to include a wider range of specific instances or statistics to strengthen your arguments. Also, ensure all sentences flow smoothly between points for better clarity.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and stick to it throughout the essay, which is a strong point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your opinion, which helps reinforce your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social status
  • material possessions
  • traditional values
  • luxurious lifestyles
  • high social standing
  • prioritize
  • trustworthiness
  • values are upheld
  • charity
  • community involvement
  • tight-knit communities
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