IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

International tourism has bought enormous benifits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantage of international tourism outweigh the advantage.

Taking care of seniors is a traditional individual’s responsibility in many countries.
However
Linking Words
, in Britain ,it is the government’s duty to provide social and medical care assistance for them to ensure their mental and physical well-being. I completely agree that elderly citizens should receive financial support from
governments
Use synonyms
 as they have been taxpayers during their productive years.
Also
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 can assist them to get the needed healthcare from
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 professionals. One key reason for receiving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governmental funding is that senior citizens have been
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
 when they were working, which means that they invested a portion of their salaries for future public services and pensions.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada and the UK, employees pay about 40% of their annual salaries to the government.
However
Linking Words
, they will be receiving the return in different paths
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 at the age of retirement,
such
Linking Words
 as providing them with a nurse if their health condition requires and
also
Linking Words
 to create social environments for them
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 community
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
 that include physical activities and gathering clubs that encourage them to
socialize
Use the right word
socialise
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
tax payers
Use the right word
taxpayers
show examples
 should be funded by
governments
Use synonyms
 when they get old.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals in the communities may not be educated professionally in healthcare assistance. In many cases, elderly people require a special type of medication which
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
be only
Correct word order
only be
show examples
 provided by specialists
such
Linking Words
 as nurses and doctors.
For instance
Linking Words
, a nurse
help
Replace the word
helping
show examples
 in preparing a healthy meal for diabetic seniors
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
show examples
 their age, weight, and different health
issues
Punctuation problem
issues,
show examples
 is more effective than a regular homemade healthy dish.
As a result
Linking Words
, I think
governments
Use synonyms
 should ensure that seniors are receiving the needed healthcare from
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 teams. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 individuals can be responsible for paying for the elderly’s health-care and social activities
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
. I believe it is
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 responsibility to fund seniors’ requirements
due to
Linking Words
 the fact
of being
Verb problem
that they are
show examples
 taxpayers
as well as
Linking Words
 their need for
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 health care professionals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay clearly states your agreement with the need for government support for seniors. Try to elaborate a bit more on your main points to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. This will improve the flow of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider using more specific examples or statistics to enhance your arguments. This will make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives the reader a good overview of your argument.
Task Achievement
You present solid reasons for government funding for seniors, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: