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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart bellow show percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney,Australia in 1997 and 2007.

The chart bellow show percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney,Australia in 1997 and 2007.
The pie charts provide key information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of total
water
Use synonyms
 in the building
industry
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, household use, manufacturing,
food
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
, and service
industry
Use synonyms
 in Sydney and Australia from 1997 to 2007. The units are measured in proportion.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of total
water
Use synonyms
 in the
food
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
 represented the largest share in both years,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of total
water
Use synonyms
 in the building
industry
Use synonyms
 accounted for the smallest. Some categories showed noticeable changes,
whereas
Linking Words
 others remained relatively stable. AT the start of the period, in 1997, the most significant portion was the
food
Use synonyms
industry
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, which made up 42% of the total.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of total
water
Use synonyms
 in household use at 25%, and manufacturing at 21%. The smallest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was seen service
industry
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, with only 2%.
In addition
Linking Words
, by 2007, there were minor changes. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of total
water
Use synonyms
 in the
food
Use synonyms
industry
Use synonyms
 rose slightly from 41% to 48%,
while
Linking Words
 the household use rate decreased to 13%.
At the end
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of total
water
Use synonyms
 in the service
industry
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend throughout the period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, water, industry, food with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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