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Band 5.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

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Introduction
Nowadays, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 want to be self-employed
instead
Linking Words
 of working for a corporation or firm.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first demonstrate why
such
Linking Words
 a preference can exist, so
for
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apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Use the right word
that
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to work in a pressurised environment, and do a
job
Use synonyms
 freely,
then
Linking Words
 some disadvantages of being self-employed, like it can lead to becoming an introverted person and being less interactive with others.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, being self-employed is chosen by many
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the
job
Use synonyms
 culture of any company to pressurise their employee to finish the tasks on time or within time.
As a result
Linking Words
, it would create mental stress, ultimately.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
 want to work freely
according to
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 their own time. Because of
this
Linking Words
, they can concentrate effectively on their work, and its outcome will be satisfactory.
For example
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, a research study of Asia has revealed that 60% of
people
Use synonyms
 in the USA are self-employed, and it is going to be their first priority in future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, those who select their career as self-employed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is more likely to be introverted , where they want to stay isolated, and it can give them joy.
Furthermore
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, it can lead to less interaction with other
people
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they can limit their relationship only to family.
For instance
Linking Words
, my childhood friend is very shy and does not want to make more friends in his life because of his isolated
job
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, being self-employed can be the best choice, but it can lead you towards loneliness. So,
people
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 can take a self-employed
job
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 as a career, but
this
Linking Words
job
Use synonyms
 selection should be made wisely, if they are ready to face positive
as well as
Linking Words
 negative challenges.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This would make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and topic sentence to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Expand on your ideas with explanations to develop them fully.
coherence and cohesion
Connect your ideas more effectively with linking words and phrases.
task achievement
You clearly identified the reasons why people choose self-employment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
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