IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification

There are some
university
Use synonyms
 students who
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 to study other
subjects
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
major
Correct pronoun usage
their major
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subjects
Use synonyms
 to gain knowledge in various sectors
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 other students want to study only
main
Correct article usage
the main
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subjects
Use synonyms
 that can help to build their career.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. To examine the former view
;
Punctuation problem
,
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primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 argument the supporters put forward is
studying
Correct word choice
that studying
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 different
subjects
Use synonyms
 gives
idea
Correct article usage
an idea
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 about all fields and gives
a
Correct article usage
apply
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confidence to a person
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 these days allrounder people are highly in demand.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people know
various
Correct word choice
that various
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 aspects in detail in most sectors can do critical thinking
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can help in their core
subjects
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 in many ways.
For example
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, nowadays
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due
Punctuation problem
, due
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 to layoffs in information technology
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 with other skills like management and teaching can divert their career and earn money wisely if they studied
relative
Correct word choice
related
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subjects
Use synonyms
 in
university
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 as an optional subject.
On the other hand
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, those in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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favor
Use the right word
favour
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 of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
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 opinion have their own arguments.
To begin
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 with, they claim that it is always better to focus on
subjects
Use synonyms
 which can help to secure a
high paying
Use the right word
high-paying
show examples
 job rather than wasting time
behind
Change preposition
on
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subjects
Use synonyms
 that can never be helpful in future.
For instance
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, there is a subject
name
Replace the word
named
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 lifestyle which Indian students need to study in
Use synonyms
university
Correct pronoun usage
their university
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 days
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can never be helpful for anything in life.
To conclude
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 and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against
for
Change preposition
apply
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studying major and minor
subjects
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
university
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I certainly favour the former view.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion and briefly outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples that clearly relate to the points you are discussing, which will better support your argument.
task achievement
Check your grammar and sentence structure, especially with subject-verb agreement to improve clarity.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, which helps to wrap up your essay nicely.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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