IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective. •comics, books, radio, television, film, theatre

In
this
Linking Words
cntemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 world, communication is one of the most significant factors which should be considered in many aspects. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a remarkable difference among media which is going to
express
Wrong verb form
expresses
show examples
 both merits and demerits of radio,
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
, and Film, respectively. With regard to the radio,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it could be beneficial for its
user-friendlier
Replace the word
user-friendly
show examples
 accessibility for different ages, yet
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it does not
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to have a high-quality voice.
Additionally
Linking Words
, compared to the other devices, it is not
facilitated
Verb problem
equipped
show examples
 with a variety of options and
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
is restricted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a few number of channels. Turning to television, as the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
most popular apparatus, rather than other facilities. In essence,
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 plays a pivotal role in individuals' daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
. It is of paramount importance because with the
state-of-the-art-technology
Use the right word
state-of-the-art technology
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
ad's
Check wording
ads
show examples
 could be promoted both attractively and rapidly over the long run, which
introduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
introduces
show examples
 many informative data among visitors, it can be unreliable
due to
Linking Words
the
Verb problem
holding the
show examples
hold
Check wording
apply
show examples
public
Check wording
public's
show examples
 attention
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. To exemplify, at first glance, it is evident that the banks provide their consumers with opportunities like
interest free
Use the right word
interest-free
show examples
 loans. In accordance with films, as an important media can deliver
audiences to
Correct word order
to audiences
show examples
 become awareness
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 several sophisticated
defenitions
Correct your spelling
definitions
. To elaborate, there are well-known movies which produced with an invaluable plot,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be productive for society. One instance to exemplify
this
Linking Words
 is
God father
Use the right word
Godfather
show examples
, as a reputable movie which stems from a
diversty
Correct your spelling
diversity
 of effective dialogues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in some aspects,
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 can be advantageous for people, especially
youngsters
Punctuation problem
youngsters,
show examples
 to use the experiences for their future.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I
concure
Correct your spelling
concur
 with the viewpoint that
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 as a successful amenity, can be the most functional media for people to become
familar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various information.
This
Linking Words
 means that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 has a lot of advantages
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 directly related to
extend
Verb problem
expanding
show examples
 the horizon of information.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction is somewhat clear, but could be improved by clearly stating the disadvantages as well. Make sure to present a balanced view of both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Try to create clear and logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one idea to help with the overall flow.
task achievement
Use clearer examples for each medium. Provide details and explanations to support your main points more effectively.
task achievement
You have chosen a relevant topic and provided a variety of mediums for discussion. This shows that you understand the task well.
coherence and cohesion
Your concluding statement recognizes the importance of the media you chose, which shows clear opinion and wraps up your essay nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: