IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car. Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparison where relevant.

The chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car. Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparison where relevant.
The given graph illustrates the five reasons why individuals travel to their jobs by bicycle or by car.
Overall
Linking Words
, health and fitness, and less pollution are mainly responsible for why
people
Use synonyms
 want to
use
Use synonyms
 bicycles,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 comfort is the prime reason why other
people
Use synonyms
 choose a car for their mode of transport to go to work.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, cycling is more famous among
people
Use synonyms
 who love health and fitness, and want
not
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to
experience
Verb problem
avoid
show examples
 pollution, with exactly 30% for both categories.
Besides
Linking Words
, 15% employees
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 mode of transport to avoid parking issues,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 more than 10% of
people
Use synonyms
 think that
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 is faster than driving and do not want to spend money on travelling. In terms of driving to work, a huge number of working individuals 40%
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 because of comfort, and one-fifth of the total
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 transport mode because of distance. Some employees (14%) do not want to carry things with them, and some percentage of other
people
Use synonyms
 think it is faster than bycycling
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 a tenth of the total number of workers believe that it is safer than bycycling.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, use with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: