IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Topic: The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world has made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries. Do the advantages of the development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, Travelling is becoming increasingly popular.
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while
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While
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 travelling does have some defects , these are negligible compared
the
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to the
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 benefits.
This
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 essay will argue
that
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apply
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why
Correct article usage
the advantage
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advantage
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advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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. Admittedly, one of the minor
advantage
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advantages
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 of travelling is learning
different
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about different
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 cultures and traditions
as well as
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 gaining new experiences.
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this
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This
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 can help citizens in future when they communicate with
others
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other
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 people. One clear example of
this
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 is that Individuals try different cuisines in restaurants
as well as
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 visit historical museums and art galleries close to where they live . All in all,
this
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 can help them explore themselves and discover their passions.
Moreover
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, it can educate them in various ways
expand
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and expand
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 their knowledge of different cultures. Despite the advantages above, one of the major disadvantages

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline both the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs. Include a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Provide a more detailed explanation of the disadvantages. This will give a fuller picture and balance your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas more effectively.
positive
You have a clear introduction that states your main argument.
positive
You provided examples to support your ideas about learning cultures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchange
  • Globalization
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Economic growth
  • Carbon footprint
  • Social cohesion
  • Cultural heritage
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • International trade
  • Digital media influence
What to do next:
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