IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity ,improving the neighborhood or teaching sport to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people hold the belief that high schools should require their
students
Use synonyms
 to participate in voluntary community services. From my perspective, I completely agree with the view above.
This
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 essay will discuss the topic as follows. First and foremost, unpaid community
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
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advocate
Verb problem
allows
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students
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 to gain experience.
To begin
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 with, they will acquire time management and planning
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as working effectively. Through many trials and errors, they will find a way to approach a problem to simplify the process.
Moreover
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,
students
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 can learn to become aware of the changes in
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
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,
such
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 as
sympathizing
Use the right word
sympathising
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 with people's feelings and improving observation skills, and try to control their temper.
For instance
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, joining an internship as a temporary teacher can help
students
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 to
become
Verb problem
apply
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adapted
Wrong verb form
adapt
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 to the school environment and practice persuading kids or leading
studying
Replace the word
study
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 and doing exercise.
Secondly
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, these activities help
students
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 to coordinate
together
Rephrase
apply
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. Some activities, like improving the
neighborhood
Use the right word
neighbourhood
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, demand teamwork
as well as
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 creativity in drawing to complete the task.
Therefore
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,
students
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 not only try but
also
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 practice and enhance basic skills and capabilities
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
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 learn to have a chance to accumulate collaboration and mutual understanding.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 a program takes up too large a part of time for
students
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;
as a result
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, it distracts
students
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 from
going intensive
Verb problem
focusing
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 on the school’s curriculum. As there are final high school exams,
students
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 must apply themselves to compulsory subjects in order to get into prestigious universities or colleges; they will be overpressured and tired, which can create counterproductive results.
Hence
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, it is
also
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 challenging to integrate volunteer work into the school syllabus. In conclusion, charitable activities, though they may take up or use up time, can benefit
students
Use synonyms
 by preparing them with essential soft skills for their future.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea. This will help improve overall clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Try to balance your arguments. While you mention the challenges of community service, more emphasis on their benefits can show a more rounded perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and gives a roadmap for the essay, which is a strong point.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted some key skills students can gain through community service, which adds value to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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