IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

decribe the line graph illness related absnce the perecntage

The line graph illustrates the proportion of
employees
Use synonyms
 with illness-related absence in five different countries during 1991 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 and Sweden witnessed an upward trend
the
Change preposition
throughout the
show examples
 whole period.
UK
Correct article usage
The UK
show examples
 and Germany fluctuated
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there is no significant rise in that time.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of
employees
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 gradually decreased in France. In 1991, Netherlands  
employees
Use synonyms
 fluctuated before
its levelled
Verb problem
levelling
show examples
 off between 1995 and
1996
Punctuation problem
1996,
show examples
 around 4% and continued to 5.5%.Sweden
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, started at 2% and fluctuated
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 first 5 years before it gradually increased and hit a high point around 5%.Meanwhile,the number of
employees
Use synonyms
 in Germany and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 started at 2% and increased by 1% ,
then
Linking Words
end
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 at the same percentage that they started.
In contrast
Linking Words
, France
employees
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the lowest
percentage
Check wording
apply
show examples
among other countries it
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at 5% and
then
Linking Words
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 to 3%.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly presents one main idea and flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Try to include a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the graph.
task achievement
Use more specific numbers to support your points, especially for changes and trends in the data.
task achievement
You provided a clear overview of the trends in different countries.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay was mostly good, with an introduction and body paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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