IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a school career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your option.

It is often argued that getting a job after high school is the best choice for some
people
Use synonyms
 to
gain
Use synonyms
 money and early experience,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others believe that getting a higher
degree
Use synonyms
 opens a wide range of
oppirtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. Personally, I believe that it is important to study at
university
Use synonyms
,
I
Correct word choice
and I
show examples
will discuss it in the following paragraphs. First of all,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to start their career after finishing high school to
gain
Use synonyms
 early
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 in their jobs and receive money
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Use the right word
an
show examples
 early stage. So, those
people
Use synonyms
 will work hard to get
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 salary, but they will not improve to get higher positions compared to the students who graduate from
university
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are many jobs or career paths
are
Verb problem
that do
show examples
 not
requiring
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 a
univerity
Correct your spelling
university
degree
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
mailitary
Correct your spelling
military
 or
hand-skills
Use the right word
hands-on
show examples
 jobs.
As a result
Linking Words
, the employee will
gain
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 practice.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I support the idea of studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 or college to get a
degree
Use synonyms
 in any
feild
Correct your spelling
field
.
This
Linking Words
 higher
cartificate
Correct your spelling
certificate
 opens
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new paths and
oppirtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Use the right word
long term
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Nurses or medical
feild
Correct your spelling
field
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a
master
Check wording
master's
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 to become
mangers
Use the right word
managers
show examples
 and improve their job positions.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can not
become
Verb problem
advance
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 higher stages without a
degee
Correct your spelling
degree
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is common to see
people
Use synonyms
 take a short path to
gain
Use synonyms
 money or experience without thinking in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term. I prefer to study at
university
Use synonyms
 to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary and higher positions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is the best
chocie
Correct your spelling
choice
 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your main ideas. Clearly state your opinion in the introduction and have a clear conclusion.
coherence
Improve paragraph structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details. Use linking words to connect your ideas.
coherence
Use varied vocabulary and correct spellings. Correct spelling of words like 'military' and 'certificate' will improve clarity.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion on the topic and structured your essay into different viewpoints.
task achievement
You included specific examples to support your ideas, like the need for degrees in nursing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • study
  • university
  • college
  • job
  • career
  • believe
  • better
  • experience
  • important
  • money
  • skills
  • degree
  • work
  • training
  • future
  • student
  • education
  • employer
  • practical
  • expensive
  • attractive
What to do next:
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