IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in Britain between men and
women
Punctuation problem
women,
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were pursuing full-time and part-time
education
Use synonyms
 in three periods. We will discuss in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the chart
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
below. In Britain,
Remove the article
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 men and women
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
showed interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
further
Linking Words
 studies
Use synonyms
both
Punctuation problem
, both
show examples
 full-time and part-time
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 all three different periods. The part-time
education
Use synonyms
 has more interest
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 full-time
education
Use synonyms
 among
both
Use synonyms
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. The male has crossed more than 800 thousand in all three years
data
Change preposition
of data
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the female count is less than 800 in the year 1970/71, and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two years
1980
Punctuation problem
, 1980
show examples
/81 & 1990/
91
Punctuation problem
91,
show examples
 are above 800 thousand. In 1970/71,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
Change the verb form
is
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 higher in
futher
Correct your spelling
further
education
Use synonyms
 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
both
Use synonyms
 part-time and full-time. In 1980/81,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 much interest in full-time than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, but part-time slightly higher than
female
Use the right word
males
show examples
. Between 1990/91, the female count is above 10000
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
much
Punctuation problem
, much
show examples
 higher among all these years in part-time, and
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in full-time
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 the count is above 200
thounsand
Correct your spelling
thousand
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the britain
Correct word choice
British
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 has
gradually
Verb problem
been gradually
show examples
 increasing in
both
Use synonyms
 men and women
each
Change preposition
at each
show examples
 and every
frequent
Replace the word
frequency
show examples
 period
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the part-time and full-time study.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: