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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
four
Change preposition
of four
show examples
 distinct kinds of
meat
Use synonyms
 (
fishm
Correct your spelling
fish
lamb
Punctuation problem
, lamb
show examples
beef
Punctuation problem
, beef
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 chicken) in a European country
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1979 to 2004.
Overally
Correct your spelling
Overall
, the
comsuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of fish
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per
person
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
per
show examples
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
week was much lower than other types
Use synonyms
meat
Change preposition
of meat
show examples
 during the whole period.
people
Use synonyms
's
requiment
Correct your spelling
requirement
 for other types of
meat
Use synonyms
 had
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 change. In detail, the data
showes
Correct your spelling
shows
 that during the whole period,
people
Use synonyms
's
requirment
Correct your spelling
requirement
 for chicken
experieced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a considerable increase, from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approximately 140
grams
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per
person
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
per
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
week to 225
grams
Use synonyms
nearly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Additionlly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, it had
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the
domaint
Correct your spelling
dominant
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
's
meat
Use synonyms
 intake.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the
people
Use synonyms
's intake for beef and
lambn
Correct your spelling
lamb
 had a notable downward trend,
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of beef
consumption
Use synonyms
,
peson's
Check wording
persons'
show examples
 weekly
consumption
Use synonyms
 dorp by over 140
grams
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1984
t0
Correct your spelling
to
 2004. and the lamb weekly
consumption
Use synonyms
 for one
person
Use synonyms
 decreased from 150grams to 60
grams
Use synonyms
. The change of
people
Use synonyms
's
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fish was stable with minor
flactuation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
, the
Use synonyms
person
Check wording
person's
show examples
 weekly
consumption
Use synonyms
 stayed about 55 to 45
grams
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, meat, person, people, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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