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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (21.06)

The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (21.06)
The flow chart illustrates information about how carbonated drinks are produced.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are five main stages, beginning with cleaning
water
Use synonyms
 and ending with packaging products. The first stage involves pouring raw
water
Use synonyms
 into a filter to remove all the remaining labels before entering a
water
Use synonyms
 softener and being
added
Verb problem
treated
show examples
 with chemicals to be completely clean. In the subsequent stage, the clean
water
Use synonyms
 will pass through a pump to enter a tank that has electric heaters. Once the heating evaporation stage is completed, the
water
Use synonyms
 will be transferred to a carbon dioxide tank by a cooling pipe. After going through the carbon dioxide tank, the
water
Use synonyms
 will become carbonated
Check wording
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, the carbonated
water
Use synonyms
 will be sent to a special machine to be mixed with colouring, syrup, and flavour substances to create the flavour of the carbonated drinks. After mixing for a certain time, the carbonated drinks will be poured into another filter to
smoothen
Verb problem
smooth
show examples
 the mixture
while
Linking Words
 filling it into bottles and cans.
Finally
Linking Words
, each type of filler will be packed into
separated
Replace the word
separate
show examples
 boxes before being delivered to supermarkets.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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