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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts show the difference between the types of
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 of
France
Use synonyms
 in 1995 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
three
Use synonyms
 major
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 dominate the
energy
Use synonyms
 market in
France
Use synonyms
 during the two years.
nuclear
Fix capitalization
Nuclear
show examples
 and other
Use synonyms
energy
Check wording
apply
show examples
kinds
has
Wrong verb form
of energy have
show examples
 the lowest proportion of
production
Use synonyms
. The top
three
Use synonyms
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 coal, gas, and
petro
Correct your spelling
petroleum
. In 1995, each one of the previously mentioned
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
represent
Wrong verb form
represented
show examples
 almost
one third
Use the right word
one-third
show examples
 of the pie chart.
Thus
Linking Words
, only around 10% of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 is
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 nuclear and other undefined
sources
Use synonyms
. Not only
both
Correct word order
were both
show examples
 coal and gas
were
Correct word order
apply
show examples
able to maintain
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 position in the top
three
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 by roughly 1% in 2005. Even though petro is in the top
three
Use synonyms
, it can be seen that it took a considerable fall
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 20% in 2005 as
oppose
Wrong verb form
opposed
show examples
 to 30% in 1005. The lowest kind of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 in
France
Use synonyms
 is attributed to nuclear and other
sources
Use synonyms
. Nuclear power roughly
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 7% in 1995.
However
Linking Words
, 10 years later, the amount of
production
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 type
specificly
Correct your spelling
specifically
 rose to 10%.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 other
sources
Use synonyms
 picked up in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
production
Use synonyms
 levels to 9% in 2005, in comparison to just less than 5% in 1995, it still remains low.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, sources, france, three, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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