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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart provides key information about the average age of tourists who
were
Verb problem
apply
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travelled from the United Kingdom to Spain over a period of 20
years
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
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in 1983
also
Linking Words
 in 2003. The units are measured in percentages and numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that there is
a
Correct article usage
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little change in the age of visitors from the UK to Spain by the various sectors in the two
years
Use synonyms
 1983 and 2003, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are 25-54 and +55
years
Use synonyms
 old
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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were
the
Rephrase
also the
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dominanted
Correct your spelling
dominant
also
Linking Words
 they were the largest percentage or the majority,
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who are 0-15 and 16-24
years
Use synonyms
 old remained as the lowest proportion as before.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the sectors of
people
Use synonyms
 who
25
Correct word order
are 25
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-54 and + 55
years
Use synonyms
 old
are
Correct word order
apply
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together constitute
for
Change preposition
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more than half of the visitors in 1983 and 2003, 66% and 61% respectively. In terms of
people
Use synonyms
 who are 0-15 and 16-24
years
Use synonyms
 old, they formed less than half or even less than a
quarter
Punctuation problem
quarter,
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 they were the lowest sectors or the minority, in 1983 and 2003, 14% and 27% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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