IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company Write at least 150 words.

Dear Dhruvi, I trust you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to request
you
Correct word choice
that you
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
transfer me to the Robotics Department of our company. First and foremost, it has been an unprecedented learning experience in my current role as a Senior Design Engineer. For the past two years, I have developed countless skills from designing small components to an entire injection moulding machine. During
this
Linking Words
 period, I have realised the importance of having robots to enhance the production output
as well as
Linking Words
 reduce scrap.
Therefore
Linking Words
, with my expertise in automation combined with manufacturing, I can assist in designing robots
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increased manufacturing productivity.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, I can
also
Linking Words
 leverage my coding knowledge during
prototyping
Correct article usage
the prototyping
show examples
 phase to reduce the delays.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I have always enjoyed working with each team
members
Fix the agreement mistake
member
show examples
 and the working culture in our company is what I think is unmatched.
Due to
Linking Words
 that,
instead
Linking Words
 of looking for similar roles at other
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
, I would like to transfer to the Robotics Department. Thank you. Sincerely, Ruchin Patel

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to clearly state your main idea in the first paragraph. This helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear point to keep your writing clear and easy to follow.
task achievement
Add a sentence to better explain how your skills will help the new department. This makes your point stronger.
task achievement
You have a clear and polite tone throughout the letter.
task achievement
You provided specific examples of your skills and experiences, which strengthens your request.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career development
  • transferable skills
  • professional growth
  • department
  • diversify experience
  • benefit
  • contribute
  • innovate
  • perspective
  • team collaboration
  • job satisfaction
  • company loyalty
  • internal transfer
  • long-term commitment
  • value addition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: