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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, in many parts of the world, institutes give emphasis on teaching skills, which are essential to
fetch
Verb problem
secure
show examples
 jobs in future.
This
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 trend is gaining popularity
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and is widely accepted by parents and
students
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.
However
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, more efforts could be made
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can help pupils
to
Verb problem
apply
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target the world of work.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, a number
to
Change preposition
of
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 steps can be taken.
Firstly
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, a change in
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum. As a matter of fact, in
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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education
Use synonyms
system
Add a comma
system,
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 more importance is given to topics
such
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 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Maths, Science, etc, because they are considered more valuable.
However
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, in the modern era, the
job
Use synonyms
 world is looking for specific skills. To illustrate, in recent years, Coding is gaining popularity, but it is generally not taught as a school subject.
Thus
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,
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system should consider changing the syllabus so that topics of practical value could be taught to the
students
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.
Body paragraph 2
Adding more to it, institutes can consider providing a
Use synonyms
job specific
Use the right word
job-specific
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 industrial training. In fact,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
giving a
first hand
Use the right word
first-hand
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 experience of the field could actually help
students
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 to find their hidden passions. Which
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 could guide them to select suitable professional courses after the initial
education
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.
For example
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, many
Multi
Check wording
apply
show examples
National Corporations
Use the right word
multinational corporations
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prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
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 to hire candidates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
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 have some kind of field experience in the past.
Hence
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, schools can arrange industrial training
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 before going to an actual
job
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, undoubtedly, conventional
education
Use synonyms
lay
Wrong verb form
lays
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 a foundation, but in order to get a
job
Use synonyms
,
institute
Replace the word
institutions
show examples
 can make a few changes in their curriculum and can arrange some kind of part-time field jobs. Which will ultimately help
students
Use synonyms
 in their future.

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task achievement
Check for clarity in your main ideas to ensure they are fully explained. Add more details if necessary.
coherence
Work on linking your paragraphs better. Use transition words to help flow.
coherence
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and punctuation.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a relevant opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Variety of ideas about improving the school curriculum is presented well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vocational training programs
  • curriculum
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • communication skills
  • career guidance
  • counseling
  • internships
  • apprenticeships
  • local industries
  • businesses
  • digital literacy
  • technological skills
  • entrepreneurship
  • innovation
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
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