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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph depicts the proportion of men and women consumed five or more portions of fruit and vegetables in various age brackets in the UK daily in 2006.

The bar graph depicts the proportion of men and women consumed five or more portions of fruit and vegetables in various age brackets in the UK daily in 2006.
The bar graph depicts the proportion of men and women
consumed
Correct pronoun usage
who consumed
show examples
 five or more portions of fruit and vegetables
in
Correct word order
daily in
show examples
 various
age
Use synonyms
 brackets in the UK
daily
Correct word order
apply
show examples
in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of women ate more fruit and vegetables than men across nearly all
age
Use synonyms
 groups, except the aged 75, where
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were equal. Notably, the figure for the 55-64
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the highest consumption,
while
Linking Words
 the
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
19
Check wording
group 19
show examples
-24
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for both groups. Regarding younger demographics, the 19-24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 recorded the lowest consumption rates at approximately 15% for males and 16% for females. The figures were notably higher for those aged 25-34, reaching around 20% and 23% respectively. Meanwhile, the 35-44 bracket showed males at approximately 22% and females at 25%. As for older
age
Use synonyms
 groups, the 45-54 demographic saw roughly 22% of males and 27% of females.
Similarly
Linking Words
, but to a higher extent, can be seen in the consumption in the 55-64
group
Use synonyms
, which peaked at approximately 33% for men and 35% for women. Meanwhile, figures declined for those aged 65-74, dropping to about 27% and 29% respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, the oldest
group
Use synonyms
 aged 75 showed equal rates of approximately 25% for both genders.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "depicts" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
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