IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam ‘. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars?

It is believed that people are always looking for entertainment, special if they have a good income.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the first thing they have done is
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a privet car.
However
Linking Words
, if car ownership
has
Verb problem
increases
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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rapid
Replace the word
rapidly
show examples
increase
Check wording
apply
show examples
, it will cause a huge problem in traffic.
This
Linking Words
 situation, in my opinion, is rising significantly all over the world, and a lot of actions should be taken to encourage citizens to use other means of
transportation
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, using privet
cars
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 preferred by most people everywhere they go because
commute
Wrong verb form
commuting by
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 public
transportation
Use synonyms
 is not comfortable and slow.
This
Linking Words
 causes big
crowed
Use the right word
crowds
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 in every street
special
Punctuation problem
, special
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in
Change preposition
during
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 rush hours. Statistics in London in 2005
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 illustrated that each family has at least two
cars
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is
Verb problem
means
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mean
Use the right word
an
show examples
 increase in the number of
cars
Use synonyms
twice
Change preposition
of twice
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 as much as
was
Verb problem
apply
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in 2003.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government have to take active steps
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 constructing new lanes for walking or even for cycling,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will make people leave their
cars
Use synonyms
 and use these roads every time they need
, so
Verb problem
to, so
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 they get away from
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
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 and
reach
Verb problem
arrive
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work early with all energy.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my city, I am used to cycling when I go to my university because I find the cycling lanes are easier than driving my car and less crowded.
In addition
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, the government have to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transportation
Use synonyms
 more relaxed than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
privet
cars
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes drivers use it
instead
Linking Words
 of their vehicles because they
have
Verb problem
are more
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 relaxed inside it.
For example
Linking Words
, by 2001, countries like China had developed
transportation
Use synonyms
 and constructed fast line trams to
make
Verb problem
enable
show examples
 citizens to reach any location they need without any
compliments
Check wording
complications
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, traffic is a big problem that many cities suffer from
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gradually, so the ministry has to take many actions to discourage drivers from using their vehicles by creating new streets and improving buses and trams, so the number of
cars
Use synonyms
 will drop.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your points. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and word choice for accuracy; using correct terms will make your points clearer.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples from your own experience, which helps to support your points.
task achievement
You addressed the issue of traffic and suggested measures, showing an understanding of the topic.
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