IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of workers from five different European countries that were absent for a day or more due to illness from 1991 to 2001. Summarise the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of workers from five different European countries that were absent for a day or more due to illness from 1991 to 2001. Summarise the information by selecting reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the
information
Check wording
apply
show examples
proportion of
labours
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
 from five
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
European nations
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were not present
due to
Linking Words
 illness for a day or more,
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
decade
Correct article usage
the decade
show examples
 from 1991 to 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 has the lowest absent
percentage
Use synonyms
 for a decade,
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 has the
lowest
Punctuation problem
lowest,
show examples
 followed by
Germany
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
sickness
Use synonyms
absent
Replace the word
absences
show examples
. The
Use synonyms
Uk
Use the right word
UK
show examples
 and Sweden
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 gained
absent
Correct article usage
an absent
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 for
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 five years.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The
UK
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
 has the lowest
sickness
Use synonyms
 absence compared to other three countries,
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 remained between 2 to 3 per cent, and
Germany
Use synonyms
 remained constant with 1 to 2 per cent over the decade, In contarst, the Sweden has the third rank in absence
due to
Linking Words
 bad health condition, which was around 3% until 1995,
then
Linking Words
 Sweden increased
sickness
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 and ansent rate was finished with around 5% in end of the period.
Lastly
Linking Words
, France has the highest
absent
Replace the word
absence
show examples
 rate
due to
Linking Words
 health
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
thye
Correct your spelling
the
 start of the period, which is surpassed by
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
 reached on top for
sickness
Use synonyms
 absence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
sickness
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was decreased
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 after 1992 and finished with
third
Correct article usage
the third
show examples
 rank with below 3% of illness
absent
Replace the word
absence
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, percentage, uk, sickness with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: