IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

percentage of australian men and women doing regular physical activity in 2010

The bar graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the percentage of physical activity of Australian
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that females are more active
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical activity
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 across various
age
Use synonyms
 groups. It is clear from the graph
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that among females,
the
Correct article usage
those
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
35 to 64
had been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 involved
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 highest number of physical
activities
Use synonyms
,
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 is average 53%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 a little changes among men. They were more involved with physical
activities
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 15 to 24. It is interesting to note that there was
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount of physical
Use synonyms
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 among
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had been occured by the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 65 and over.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 15 to 24
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
conducted
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar number of physical
activities
Use synonyms
, which is almost 47%.
However
Linking Words
, among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, the
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of 25 to 34, 45 to 54
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 55 to 64 had been involved
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 average number of physical
activities
Use synonyms
. The
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 35 to 44 had been involved
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 lowest amount of physical
activities
Use synonyms
 among
femals
Correct your spelling
females
, which is 39.5%.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide clear examples from the graph to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'however', 'for example', and 'in addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your introduction by summarizing what the graph shows more clearly, focusing on key trends.
task achievement
You provided a good overall view at the start of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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