Government investment in the arsts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Discuss both the views and views and give opinion.
Some believe that
in the arts,
as music and theatre,
IsFix capitalization
show examples
a waste of
.
GovernmentCorrect article usage
show examples
must invest
in public
.
On one hand,
investments in
artsCorrect article usage
show examples
can make much more
than public
. An example,
WhenFix capitalization
show examples
governmentCorrect article usage
show examples
hosts a music festival, Tickets bought alone
makesCorrect subject-verb agreement
show examples
millions
,Punctuation problem
show examples
They
sell food, merch,
AndFix capitalization
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beverages.
, Public
as
bussesUse the right word
show examples
, homeless shelters,
AndFix capitalization
show examples
libraries are much more needed.
, A
can spend
on arts and public
equally.
atFix capitalization
show examples
, funding
for both is a solution to make a better
,
AndFix capitalization
show examples
,Punctuation problem
show examples
to make all
kindFix the agreement mistake
show examples
of crowds happy.
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Your essay has some good ideas, but they need to be clearer and better organized. Try to put your main points in separate paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Give more detailed examples to support your points. This will help the reader understand your ideas better and make your arguments stronger.
Make sure to check your grammar and punctuation. Simple mistakes can make your writing less clear.
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a good way to approach this topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general