IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less

In recent years, the topic of more and more
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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drinking sugar-based
drinks
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such
Linking Words
 as soda, energy
drinks
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, or sweetened juices.
This
Linking Words
 trend can be harmful to
people
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’s health. There are some reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem, and
also
Linking Words
 some ways to solve it. On the one hand, it is essential to
recognize
Use the right word
recognise
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 that
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 should acknowledge the significant advantages associated with
is
Verb problem
the fact
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 that sugar-based
drinks
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 are very easy to buy. They are sold everywhere, from supermarkets to small shops and vending machines.
In addition
Linking Words
, they are often cheaper than healthier options like fresh juice or milk. Another reason is advertising. Many companies advertise soft
drinks
Use synonyms
 on TV, social media, and even in schools.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
this
Linking Words
 makes
people
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, especially young
people
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, want to try and drink them more often.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is crucial to examine the opposing viewpoint that to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Punctuation problem
problem,
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 governments and individuals can take action.
First,
Linking Words
the government can increase the tax on sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 to make them more expensive.
This
Linking Words
 may reduce the number of
people
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 who
but
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buy
show examples
 them.
Second,
Linking Words
schools and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 should educate children about the bad effects of sugar-based
drinks
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,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and diabetes.
Finally
Linking Words
, companies should be encouraged to make healthier
drinks
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 with less sugar. In short, sugar-based
drinks
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 are becoming more popular because they are cheap and heavily advertised. To reduce their consumption, we need to raise awareness and use policies
such
Linking Words
 as higher taxes to control the problem.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific campaigns against sugar drinks or health statistics related to their consumption.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow better by using linking words such as 'however', 'in addition', and 'for example'.
task achievement
Add more details in your introduction to give a clearer overview of the issues.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and identifies some reasons and solutions for sugar-based drink consumption.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
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