IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Today's era is highly competitive for
students
Use synonyms
 academically.
Along with
Linking Words
 academic
Use synonyms
subjects
Add a comma
subjects,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 learning
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cookery and physical
as
Check wording
education as
show examples
 a part of their school curriculum. Some people believe that those
subjests
Correct your spelling
subjects
 act as an unnecessary burden for the
students
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I strongly disagree with it and the following will illustrate the importance of studying those
subjects
Use synonyms
. First and
formost
Correct your spelling
foremost
, non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cookery and physical education act as
refreshment
Correct article usage
a refreshment
show examples
 for
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 brain tired
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 academics. Secon There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically.
As a result
Linking Words
, some people believe that non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Correct your spelling
Daily
daly
Punctuation problem
daly,
show examples
 those
subjects
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to improve
overall
Linking Words
 grades because
those
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are less challenging and less
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey conducted by SBS
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 with
blended
Correct article usage
a blended
show examples
curriculm
Correct your spelling
curriculum
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 academic and
non- academic
Use the right word
non-academic
show examples
Use synonyms
subjects
Punctuation problem
subjects,
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 had a 30% better GPA than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 with just academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. To continue, these
subjects
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to discover their unique talents and
stems
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to
out of the box
Use the right word
out-of-the-box
show examples
 occupations
such
Linking Words
 as chef,
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
, etc. Moving
futher
Correct your spelling
further
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 extra
subjects
Use synonyms
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 the actual body movements,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 games in physical education
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to get out of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confined classrooms and experience the outside world.
According to
Linking Words
Bridging
Correct article usage
the Bridging
show examples
 network
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
, students
show examples
 who took non-academic courses had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better mental health than
students
Use synonyms
dealing
Wrong verb form
who dealt
show examples
 with only academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
addition
Correct article usage
the addition
show examples
 of non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 in
syllabus
Correct article usage
the syllabus
show examples
 improves
pupil's
Check wording
pupils'
show examples
 scores, mental health and physical health.
Non- academic
Use the right word
Non-academic
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be added to the curriculum in order to accomplish an
overall
Linking Words
developmet
Correct your spelling
development
 of children.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but it needs to better organize ideas into paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a main idea and supports it with details.
task achievement
Try to present your ideas more clearly. For instance, provide a clear explanation of how non-academic subjects help mental health.
coherence and cohesion
Include more connecting words to improve the flow of your writing. This will help your reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
You make a strong argument about the benefits of non-academic subjects, which is good.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the survey about blended curricula improving GPA.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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