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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spend on teacher. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 should allocate more cash
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
technology
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,
such
Linking Words
 as more computers,
in contrast
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
consider that
teachers
Use synonyms
 deserve more money. From my perspective,
both
Use synonyms
 of these views play a crucial role in teaching
students
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, nowadays, people can learn a lot of information and skills
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
. So that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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every school has technological
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 like modern computers. If
schools
Use synonyms
 have a number of amenities and opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 learning
better
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, the curiosity of
students
Use synonyms
 tends to encourage them to study new things.
For instance
Linking Words
, online platforms, useful online games and
other many
Correct word order
many other
show examples
 approaches can boost
students
Use synonyms
’ interest
about
Change preposition
in
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 a random subject
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
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 the lessons will be much more fascinating for
both
Use synonyms
teachers
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 and
students
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. Afterwards,
as a result
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 of growing passion about a subject,
students
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 are able to define easily the way
of
Change preposition
to
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 their
wanted
Verb problem
desired
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 job.
Moreover
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, the growth of digital media
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a lot of things, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 should give basic
technology
Use synonyms
 concepts by using computers.
Therefore
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, investing in
technology
Use synonyms
 can prepare
students
Use synonyms
 for the demands of the modern media world.
On the other hand
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,
teachers
Use synonyms
 play a highly pivotal role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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out of
Change preposition
without
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
. Because, without an
educators
Fix the agreement mistake
educator
show examples
, it is more challenging for pupils to study effectively. If
schools
Use synonyms
 inspire
teachers
Use synonyms
 with better salaries, the quality of education starts to develop considerably. And,
this
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 growth can enhance
both
Use synonyms
 the
governments’
Check wording
government’s
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 reputation and social education.
Furthermore
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, good
teachers
Use synonyms
 can motivate
students
Use synonyms
, explain intricate topics in a clear way and
also
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 provide emotional support that machines can not do.
Therefore
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,
both
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and
schools
Use synonyms
 should ensure first
teachers
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 with
well
Correct word choice
well-paid
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payment
Check wording
apply
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. Because
,
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apply
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 the performance of educators is more important compared to
technology
Use synonyms
. To
summarize
Use the right word
summarise
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,
although
Linking Words
 investment in technological opportunities is vital,
However
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, concentrating
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 will bring long-term benefits. Keeping a balance is the best option, but
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be at the peak of respect.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly explains both sides of the argument. It should set the stage for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence. This helps the reader understand what each section is about.
coherence cohesion
Try to use simpler sentences and avoid unnecessary words. This will make your ideas clearer.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task response
You recognize the importance of both technology and teachers, which shows a balanced view.
task response
You provided some relevant examples to support your points about technology and teachers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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