IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

The graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK.
The supplied line graph demonstrated the vicissitude of the household usage of modern technology from 1996/97 to 2002/03 in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that the CD player was the most popular
productions
Replace the word
product
show examples
 during the six
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the usage of Mobile phones
skiped up
Verb problem
skyrocketed
show examples
 for six
years
Use synonyms
. The most obvious point is that the CD player
the
Verb problem
makes the
show examples
 highest contribution among the four productions. It
continuously
Verb problem
has continuously
show examples
 grown
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from almost 60% to over 80% within six
years
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 sharply increased over the
years
Use synonyms
. In the earliest year of the chart,
although
Linking Words
 mobile
phone's
Check wording
phones'
show examples
 contribution was third rank of
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 modern technology, it exceeded home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 after 1998/99 and
finally
Linking Words
 became the second largest contribution of all
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 achieved nearly 65% in 2000. Another salient feature is that the contributions of both home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and internet access experienced a stable rise. For the former, it increased almost 40%,
while
Linking Words
 the latter climbed nearly 30% in the chart.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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