IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people find it difficult to manage their money . How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

3.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 have a
problem
Use synonyms
 with
money
Use synonyms
. They don'
t
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
manage their
money
Use synonyms
 and
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
 have
depts
Use the right word
debt
show examples
Use synonyms
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
.
Linking Words
This
Change preposition
In this
show examples
 essay, I will
expain
Correct your spelling
explain
 how the
government
Use synonyms
 can help them with
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
The
Correct determiner usage
First
show examples
first,
Linking Words
the
government
Use synonyms
 should give
people
Use synonyms
 study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 know
saving
Wrong verb form
how to save
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 or have a plan
using
Change preposition
for using
show examples
money
Use synonyms
. If the
government
Use synonyms
 give
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the school, young
people
Use synonyms
 can learn how
using
Wrong verb form
to use
show examples
money
Use synonyms
, make a budget and
saving
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
The
second,
Linking Words
the
government
Use synonyms
 can give
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
free for
Correct word order
for free
show examples
some
Change preposition
to some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 a
problem
Use synonyms
 with
money
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 know how to solve
Use synonyms
problem
Check wording
apply
show examples
their
money
Use synonyms
and
Check wording
problems and
show examples
 feel
stress
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
. They can meet
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 expert
finance
Change preposition
in finance
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 learn how to pay
Change preposition
off dept
show examples
dept
Use the right word
debt
show examples
Use synonyms
loan
Check wording
apply
show examples
and don'
t
Use synonyms
 use credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
Finally
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 can check banks and
loan
Use synonyms
companis
Correct your spelling
companies
. Some
companis
Correct your spelling
companies
 have
Use synonyms
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 with high interest.
This
Linking Words
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 poor
people
Use synonyms
 can not pay them. If the
government
Use synonyms
 check
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
companis
Correct your spelling
companies
, they can stop
this
Linking Words
dept
Use the right word
debt
show examples
loan
Use synonyms
 and protect
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In
conslution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, many
people
Use synonyms
 have trouble with
money
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 can help
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example: teach about using
money
Use synonyms
, free
adivse
Correct your spelling
advice
 and check some
dept
Use the right word
debt
show examples
Use synonyms
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
live better.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Improve sentence structure and avoid grammar mistakes. For example, change 'have depts loan' to 'have debts' and 'some companis' to 'some companies'.
structure
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. For example, each point should start with a strong topic sentence.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas together. Words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' can help improve flow.
content
You have identified important ways for the government to help with money management issues.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: