IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Children of different ages and countries play computer games these days. Parents think these computer games have little educational value and have harmful effects on children. What is your opinion?

Computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become very popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young people all over the world. Conversations about
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 and little educational value
lasts
Replace the word
last
show examples
 for many years among parents. In my mind, in modern
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 it is impossible to separate
children
Use synonyms
 from
computer
Use synonyms
games
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.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
entertament
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 has bad and good sides. During playing virtual
games
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 can
uprise
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 their skills,
such
Linking Words
 as
createvity
Correct your spelling
creativity
 and way of thinking. Futuristic
world
Fix the agreement mistake
worlds
show examples
 and creatures of
games
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can help them to be more urgent at paint lessons
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example.Some
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can help with hand-eye coordination and improve motor skills, which can be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
.
Computer
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games
Use synonyms
 can improve problem-solving skills as they often require players to think critically and make quick decisions.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
distruction
Correct your spelling
destruction
 effect
also
Linking Words
exist
Correct subject-verb agreement
exists
show examples
. First of
all
Punctuation problem
all,
show examples
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
games
Use synonyms
can be not
Verb problem
may not be
show examples
 suitable for all ages. Shooters or arcades can involve
children
Use synonyms
 in
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 way of life. They can become
more angry
Correct word choice
angrier
show examples
 and
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
. By the way long time can cause eye
distruction
Correct your spelling
damage
.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to have limits on screen time to ensure
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 engage in physical activities and social interactions outside of gaming.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly outline your opinion and the main points of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences and linking words to connect paragraphs and ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning specific games or studies.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
task achievement
You mentioned skills that can be improved by playing computer games, which is a good point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • computer games
  • educational value
  • harmful effects
  • children
  • problem-solving skills
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making
  • teamwork
  • social skills
  • collaborating
  • educational games
  • math
  • science
  • language skills
  • engaged
  • entertained
  • hand-eye coordination
  • motor skills
  • limits
  • screen time
  • physical activities
  • social interactions
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