IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that it is better for older schoolchildren to study a large number of subjects and develop a wide range of knowledge. Others argue that they should study a smaller number of subjects and focus on details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed by
someone
Use the right word
some
show examples
 that the older students should learn a variety of
Correct your spelling
courses
cources
Punctuation problem
cources,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 opinion
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that students should focus on
details
Correct article usage
the details
show examples
 of certain
subjects
Use synonyms
 rather than learning more other
subjects
Use synonyms
. I support the latter perspective with
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 ideas.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
enomous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 knowledge to the older teenagers to learn. It could surely develop their understanding of
different
Correct word choice
a wide
show examples
 range of knowledge, but it is
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
. Those older children need
spend
Verb problem
to spend
show examples
 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on remembering the
fundemantal
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 roles of these courses
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 might not be useful for their future
career
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Students who
interested
Verb problem
are interested
show examples
 in art but spend their spare
time
Use synonyms
 on physics and chemistry
assigments
Correct your spelling
assignments
 could have less
time
Use synonyms
 to visit museums
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 help
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 development.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they should save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to find out their
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
domain
Check wording
apply
show examples
first.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, others support that the kids should concentrate on
subjects
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
a certan
show examples
certan
Correct your spelling
certain
 field rather than study a variety of courses. I totally agree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 idea because the student should start to have an idea of their
career
Use synonyms
 plan as
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 older child.
so
Fix capitalization
So
show examples
, they should learn more specific
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 in
such
Linking Words
area
Correct article usage
an area
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of learn basic
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 in multiple fields.
This
Linking Words
 helps kids to decide their
career
Use synonyms
 direction at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age,
then
Linking Words
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to accumulate experiences in
such
Linking Words
field
Correct article usage
a field
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a successful
bussiness man
Correct your spelling
businessman
 like Bill Gates
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
interested
Verb problem
is interested
show examples
 in computer
science
Punctuation problem
science,
show examples
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 much of his
time
Use synonyms
 in front of
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of learning other
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
show examples
. In conclusion, older teenagers should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on details in
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 professional field,
this
Linking Words
 could give
hime
Correct your spelling
them
 a successful employment
instead
Linking Words
 of learning
knowledeg
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 which they
prabably
Correct your spelling
probably
 never
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 again after exams.

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planning
Plan before you write. Say your view in the first line. Then add two clear reasons and end with a short conclusion.
coherence
Make flow in the essay better. Use simple links like also, but, however, for example to join ideas.
content
Keep one idea in each paragraph and give a small fact or example to show it.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Use easy word forms and short, simple sentences.
content
The writer shows a view and tries to compare ideas.
example
An example is used to back a point.
language
The writing uses plain words to be clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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