IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individuals responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 exists probably in every kind of
food
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that we can buy in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supermarkets. Uprising of usage
sugar
Use synonyms
 all over the world is really great issue all over the world. Discussions about who is responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
lasts
Wrong verb form
have lasted
show examples
 for many years. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people think that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should control
food
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 and reduce
usage of the
Correct word order
the usage of
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
, but
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 only individuals are responsible for it. I have
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 view about
this
Linking Words
 problem, I will provide
view
Correct article usage
a view
show examples
 for both sides.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
make
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 taxes
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 drinks and snacks with
sugar
Use synonyms
. High
production
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 causes
Linking Words
such
Check wording
illnesses such
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ilnes
Check wording
apply
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as
diabet
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 among children. Rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their weight
one
Verb problem
is one
show examples
 of the main
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Strict control of
manifactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturing
 can prevent
Use synonyms
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
low quality
Use the right word
low-quality
show examples
food
Use synonyms
. And it will make healthy people.
Secondly
Linking Words
, we should check what we drink and eat, by
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
. Only we
responsible
Verb problem
are responsible
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 for our well-being. What we eat has
a
Correct article usage
an
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awfull
Correct your spelling
awful
 effect on our lives.
Menthal
Correct your spelling
Mental
 health
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, if we eat more natural
food
Use synonyms
, we become more
patience
Replace the word
patient
show examples
 and happy. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
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 we need time to cook and find organic
food
Use synonyms
, but we can save a lot of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 doctors.
To sum up
Linking Words
, eating
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much
sugar
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
a distructive
show examples
distructive
Correct your spelling
destructive
 way to us.
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 and individuals should together reduce
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of it in
food
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
. By the way, inventing
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
 way of
production
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can really help.

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structure
Plan your piece before you write. Put one clear idea in each paragraph and a short view at the end.
task
Be sure to state your view in a clear line and keep it in your own words.
grammar
Use correct spelling and grammar. Check common words like government, diabetes, and manufacturing.
content
Give more exact examples that show how rules or taxes help or hurt sugar use.
content
The text tries to cover both sides of the topic.
coherence
Linking words are used to show order (Firstly, Secondly).
content
The writer ends with a conclusion that notes both parts should act.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar
  • health
  • government
  • people
  • individual
  • limit
  • responsibility
  • eat
  • drink
  • tax
  • policy
  • rules
  • ads
  • children
  • schools
  • meals
  • label
  • warning
  • plan
  • choice
  • habit
  • education
  • money
  • cost
  • balance
  • freedom
  • environment
  • support
  • information
  • risk
  • prevention
  • efforts
What to do next:
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