IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to secure a good job. Others believe that employers value work experience more than a university degree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people are of the view that having a university
degree
Use synonyms
 is
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 way to get a good
job
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that work experience has
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 upper hand in
this
Linking Words
 matter. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viewpoints and will explicate my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, having a university
degree
Use synonyms
 is the first step to
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 your career in a certain field. A
person
Use synonyms
 with certification is more likely to know the rules and facts of the subject
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they have mastered
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, which actually increases their chances of getting successful at their workplace.
For example
Linking Words
, a
degree
Use synonyms
 holder
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 chemistry has better knowledge of
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
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 of chemicals than a
person
Use synonyms
 who has never studied
about
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apply
show examples
them.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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 to mention, if a
person
Use synonyms
 is educated in their specific field, it increases their quality of work
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thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
show examples
 making them open to chances of promotions and enter higher levels of
managements
Fix the agreement mistake
management
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.
On the other hand
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, having
job
Use synonyms
 experience
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it easy for a
person
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 to deal with situations at work stations and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to
delegate
Verb problem
devise
show examples
 solutions for any problem that arises. An experienced worker tends to be more successful in avoiding the aggravation of workplace issues
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
hence
Linking Words
 they are more vigilant.
Such
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 workers are
also
Linking Words
 more confident and esteemed because obviously they know better than a new employee how to do their
job
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, as over the course of time, they have come across various complications that they have
thrivingly
Rephrase
successfully
show examples
emitted
Verb problem
overcome
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experience
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
job
Use synonyms
 is icing on
cake
Correct article usage
the cake
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 having a university
degree
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I agree that having an experienced employee is more important than just having a
degree
Use synonyms
.

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Content development
Make your ideas clear with real and clear examples for each point and show how they help your view.
Structure
Use a clear plan. Start with a short intro, then a paragraph for each side, then a final line with your view.
Language accuracy
Use short and easy grammar. Break long sentences. Check small mistakes and fix them.
Language accuracy
Fix words that are not right. Use 'management' not 'managements'. Replace wrong phrases and keep the tone calm.
Content balance
Try to stay fair. Say the other side can be right and give a small but fair reason.
Task response
The writer gives a clear view and tries to talk about both sides.
Conclusion
There is a view that the writer ends with a clear opinion.
Coherence
Some use of linking words to join ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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