IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best way to reuce the crime rate is to educate criminals while they are still in prison. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

According to
Linking Words
 research, lower
crime
Use synonyms
 rates have been recorded among those who hold academic degrees.
As a result
Linking Words
, many argue that educating
criminals
Use synonyms
 in prison could potentially reduce
crime
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 I personally
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
education
Use synonyms
 can play a pivotal role in restricting someone from violating the law, mandatory community service as part of their sentence can
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 alleviate the
crime
Use synonyms
 rates. On the one hand, providing literacy and increasing the knowledge of law breakers during their jail time can broaden their understanding of the negative impact it creates on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
within
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their private
life
Use synonyms
.
Education
Use synonyms
 and
rehabilation
Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 can teach the culprits how their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 can lead to fear and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of trust within
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 accompanied by the emotional toil the victims need to go through.
For instance
Linking Words
, a victim who has been robbed might develop social anxiety and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 chance of developing detrimental psychological disorders like PTSD
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can even demolish their family
life
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, one other significant benefit of skilled
education
Use synonyms
 is that it creates a wide spectrum of
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for
criminals
Use synonyms
 to engage in
productive
Correct article usage
a productive
show examples
 workforce upon completion of their jail time. Learning occupations which is in demand
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 plumbing or within
building
Correct article usage
the building
show examples
sector
Punctuation problem
sector,
show examples
 can motivate them to engage in an occupation in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 can provide ethical insight into the culprits, making them compulsorily engaged in community charity services can
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 play a critical role in experiencing compassion, love. caring and other values
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a practical level, which eventually might lead them
in creating
Change preposition
to create
show examples
 a positive perspective towards others and might motivate them not to continue their past
unjustful
Correct your spelling
unjust
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be justified by reports that
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
criminals
Use synonyms
 who worked in aged care services as part of their punishment later
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 less chance of indulging in similar crimes. In conclusion, both
education
Use synonyms
 and community service participation of
criminals
Use synonyms
 can be an efficient method of
deescalating
Use the right word
de-escalating
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 rates and encouraging law breakers to lead a
fullfilling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productive
life
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan a clear intro that states your view and what you will show. Have a short ending that restates your view.
grammar vocabulary
Use simple words from the start. Short sentences are easy to read. Check spelling.
content
Give more clear and real examples that link to your point. Explain how each example helps your view.
coherence
Use linking words to move from one idea to the next. Keep each paragraph on one main idea.
task response
The essay asks a real topic and gives both sides.
structure
There is enough length and many ideas to judge.
content
Some examples are used to support points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: