IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people buy a wide range of household goods like television sets, microwave ovens and rice cookers. Do you think this is a positive or negative development？

In many countries, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 applied into households is
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 rapidly. People prefer to
use
Use synonyms
microwave
Correct article usage
a microwave
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,
oven
Correct article usage
an oven
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, rice
cookers
Fix the agreement mistake
cooker
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 in their homes rather than
manual
Correct article usage
a manual
show examples
 device. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 changing behaviour
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the essay will list the reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the massive development in technology
effects
Use the right word
affects
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in
Change preposition
apply
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our daily lives, including
in
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apply
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the way we
use
Use synonyms
devices
Use synonyms
 in our households. These electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 help people so that people can
Use synonyms
use
Verb problem
spend
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 less
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
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doing chores.
For example
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, we can
use
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washing
Correct article usage
a washing
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dishes-machine
Use the right word
machine
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 to clean our dishes,
while
Linking Words
 we are doing other activities
such
Linking Words
 as
doing exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
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 or spending
time
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 with our loved ones. These appliances can improve the quality of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 by saving our
time
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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, for some appliances, it has menu options that can meet our needs.
For example
Linking Words
, when we grill in
microwave
Correct article usage
a microwave
show examples
, we can choose how well it
cooked
Wrong verb form
cooks
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, so in other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, it
also
Linking Words
 comes in comfort when we
use
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 home
–
Punctuation problem
apply
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electronic
devices
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, some of these electronic products are
energy
Use synonyms
 efficient.
In other words
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 contributes to our environment.
For example
Linking Words
, the air conditioning industry
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
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 low-watt
energy
Use synonyms
 in their products, so
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the AC in our home operates
Use synonyms
time
Change preposition
from time
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 to
time
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
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, the
energy
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 usage is low and will not pollute our environment.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the usage of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
by
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persons
Check wording
people
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 is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 development because it can improve the person’s life quality.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 by saving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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energy
Use synonyms
usage
Check wording
apply
show examples
in its operation.

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grammar
Fix mistakes in grammar that make ideas hard to follow. Check words like even though, in other words, and how well it is cooked.
lexical resource
Use simple, clear words and short sentences. Do not use big or hard phrases.
task response
State your view in the intro and keep it in the end. Add a short answer to the task in the opening.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show order: first, also, and finally. Make the flow from one idea to the next.
task response
Give one or two small examples to back your point, not many. This helps score.
structure
Clear view is stated in the intro.
coherence
Idea groups are easy to see in the two body paragraphs.
content
Reason of time save is well shown with an example.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household goods
  • television sets
  • microwave ovens
  • rice cookers
  • positive development
  • increased convenience
  • efficiency
  • improved standard of living
  • more choices
  • options
  • negative development
  • environmental impact
  • consumerism
  • materialism
What to do next:
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