IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use

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There are two pie charts,the
head
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first
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 one demonstrates the
proportion
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 of
energy
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 of different household appliances,and another illustrates the percentage of
emissions
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 of
greenhouse
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gas
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 which is released by different household
energy
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use
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 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,the heating
energy
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 accounts for the largest
proportion
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 of the Australian household
energy
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use
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the cooling
energy
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 accounts for the smallest percentage of
energy
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use
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. As for the
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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,the water heating
energy
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use
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produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
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 the most
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the cooling
energy
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use
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produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
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 the least. The heating
energy
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 occupies the largest
proportion
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 of
energy
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use
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 at 42%
,
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;
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however
Linking Words
,the
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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out is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 just 15%.The second largest
proportion
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 of
energy
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use
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 is water heating,at 30%,which
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
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 the most
greenhouse
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gas
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 at 32%. The 15% of
energy
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use
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 is the refrigeration
energy
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use
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 that
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
 the second largest
greenhouse
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gas
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.The
proportion
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 of refrigeration
energy
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use
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 is 7%,which is half of
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proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
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 of
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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out of
Change preposition
from
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 refrigeration. As we can see from the two pie charts,the two percentages of cooling are both the smallest,at 2% and 3% respectively.And the lighting
energy
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use
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 accounts for 4% of
energy
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use
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,with occupying 8% of
greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
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.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, energy, emissions, greenhouse, gas, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
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