IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart below represents the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The bar chart shows how these causes affected three regions of the world in the 1990s. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below represents the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The bar chart shows how these causes affected three regions of the world in the 1990s. Summarise the data by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The aforementioned diagrams depict the causes of the
degradation
Use synonyms
 of
land
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the effects of poor agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 during the 1990s. The areas being compared are North America,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
Oceania
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the leading cause of worldwide
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 is over-grazing.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 experienced the maximum
degradation
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to the other areas.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, overgrazing contributes to the poor quality of
land
Use synonyms
 by 35%.
Oceania
Use synonyms
 follows
this
Linking Words
 pattern the most, as it contributes to
this
Linking Words
 issue by 11.3% and North America contributes the least, by only 1.5%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the least common causes are others aside from over-grazing, over-cultivation and deforestation. Deforestation contributes by 30% and over-cultivation by 28%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is evident that
Europe
Use synonyms
 degrades the most farmland (23%), followed by
Oceania
Use synonyms
 (13%),
then
Linking Words
 North America (5%). The first region mainly destroys the farmland by over-cultivating, which contributes by 3.3%.
However
Linking Words
, it barely cuts down trees (0.2%).
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is the opposite for
Europe
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 9.8% of the
land
Use synonyms
 is lost by deforestation.
In contrast
Linking Words
, it only uses 5.5% of its farmland for feeding its animals, which was half of the proportion degraded by
Oceania
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Oceania
Use synonyms
 does not cultivate its
land
Use synonyms
 at all, but it overgrazes its
land
Use synonyms
 vastly as opposed to the other areas. It contributes to 11.3% of the total
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words degradation, land, europe, oceania with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: