IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fewer students are studying science at school and university, favouring more computer-based subjects instead. Is this a positive or negative development? What are the reasons for this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

The number of students in the faculty of
science
Use synonyms
 has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased considerably,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 interest in computer-based
subjects
Use synonyms
 has
been aggravated
Verb problem
increased
show examples
. Many factors have contributed to
this
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 progress, and there are both positive and negative ramifications of
this
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 development
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, I believe that the latter outweighs the former. I will explicate my point in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First and foremost, the technological field is one of the
extensively
Rephrase
most rapidly
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 growing
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
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 in
this
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 world. Many latest inventions,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 super-computers and
artifical
Correct your spelling
artificial
 intelligence,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 changed
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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 outlook
the of
Correct word order
of the
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 job market.
Hence
Linking Words
, there has been a significant increase in the number of jobs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that require us to master
computer-skills
Use the right word
computer skills
show examples
 and
data-handeling
Correct your spelling
data handling
. The demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 hands-on
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 is declining at a sharp rate
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, students prefer learning computer-based
subjects
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to ensure that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they can find a good and well-paying job in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, there are various multi-national companies
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
requisition
Replace the word
require
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 individuals applying for the jobs
,
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apply
show examples
 to have
extensive
Correct article usage
an extensive
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 computer background and knowledge.
Such
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 empires not only offer handsome pay, but
also
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 give
the
Check wording
people the
show examples
opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
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 to people to move abroad for a better future. I strongly believe that
although
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 learning
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 has become more important to survive in the professional environment,
however
Linking Words
,
science
Use synonyms
 and medical education
also
Linking Words
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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equal importance. Doctors and scientists are the backbone of any country, and are very important for the progress of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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. If
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of students with
scientific
Correct article usage
a scientific
show examples
 background
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
, it will lead to fluctuation in the medical assistance
availability
Check wording
apply
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, which
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is directly proportional to the cost of treatments.
For instance
Linking Words
, in developed countries
such
Linking Words
 as, USA and Canada, medical help costs a hefty amount,
due to
Linking Words
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctors and nurses. Conclusively, I would sum up my essay with a belief
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very crucial for today's generation to score a good career for themselves
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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,
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 are more important to fulfil the basic and daily needs of common people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people should encourage their children to opt for
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
, rather than
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 focusing only on computing devices.

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Task Response
State your view clearly in the introduction and keep it in mind in all parts. Add more strong reasons and link them to your claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the flow between paragraphs smoother. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use linking terms to show how ideas go together.
Language quality
Use plain words and fix grammar. Shorten long sentences. Use examples that are easy to see and true.
strength
You show a clear view on the topic.
strength
Intro, body, and conclusion are present in a basic form.
strength
You use some real examples to back up points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Career prospects
  • Digital innovation
  • Economic growth
  • Perceived as
  • Accessible
  • Practical fields
  • Traditional science fields
  • Expertise
  • Innovation
  • Environmental science
  • Integration of computer technologies
  • Primary field of study
  • Long-term implications
  • Research and development
  • Critical scientific areas
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