IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

Some people prefer to work in only
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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entire their
Correct word order
their entire
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 life.
However
Linking Words
, I agree with those who believe that working in different organisations is more beneficial, which I will explain in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Use synonyms
One
Use the right word
On
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 the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, some argued that staying in
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 is a wise decision, as it might offer some benefits
such
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 as security, promotion, salary increases, recognition for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loyalty and retirement benefits.
For example
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, civil servants in many countries who have served for decades are often recognised as reputable figures with stable
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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.
Moreover
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, being familiar with the
company
Use synonyms
’s system allows them to perform more efficiently over time, leading to
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 workplace. Especially for mature workers, they have no worries about new things as they are used to the system.
Use synonyms
One
Use the right word
On
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 the other hand, working in different companies brings long-term advantages. It provides new challenges that may not be available in the current
company
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as being exposed to different systems and people with different cultures, which can enhance their ability to adapt, lead and innovate. Those are valuable skills which can be used for better career opportunities.
For instance
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, teachers who have worked in different countries tend to be more creative, confident to share their experiences
to
Change preposition
with
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 other teachers, and insightful
due to
Linking Words
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
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 range of experiences and skills. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 staying in
one
Use synonyms
company
Use synonyms
 offers stability and potential rewards, moving to different companies
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 personal development that will help in the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that exploring opportunities in various organisations is often more beneficial for long-term success.

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grammar
Fix small grammar mistakes: use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'; 'the whole life' not 'the entire their life'. Improve word order in some lines.
cohesion
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence so the reader knows the point right away; use more linking words to show how ideas go from one to next.
lexical
Use easy, exact words. Avoid phrases like 'great workplace'; say 'a better place to work' or 'good work life'.
content
Give more strong proof for each idea, with one or two simple examples that fit the point.
content
State your view in the first line of the essay and restate it in the last line of the essay to meet task needs.
structure
There is a clear plan with three parts: intro, body, conclusion.
content
The essay uses examples like civil servants and teachers to back points.
opinion
The writer shares a clear view at the end and gives a final line.
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