IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s world, education is a must
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every child and individual across every country. The duration of
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
 became a major thing in terms of priority in some countries
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the middle
show examples
middle
Fix capitalization
Middle
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eastern location
Check wording
East
show examples
.
Where as
Use the right word
Whereas
show examples
 cold countries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 experience long
winters
Punctuation problem
winters,
show examples
 have concentrated less on
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
giving
Punctuation problem
, giving
show examples
 only
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 weeks for
summer
Use synonyms
 vacations. On the
otherside
Correct your spelling
other side
, a regular family would like to spend most of the
time
Use synonyms
 in
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
 by travelling to their homeland, meeting their relatives and
seek
Wrong verb form
seeking
show examples
 long durations for
summer
Use synonyms
, so that
children
Use synonyms
 can spend valuable
time
Use synonyms
 with cousins and relatives
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 valuable memories.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some parents who work 365 days would find it difficult to take care of
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
 during
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
 as they have to work and prefer shorter
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of
holidays
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has become a major problem and is affecting
children
Use synonyms
 in a bad way. Childhood is to cherish some
good
Punctuation problem
good,
show examples
 valuable memories
along with
Linking Words
 studies. Longer
summer
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 breaks allow the
children
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 to make
time
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 to visit family relatives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 early relationship helps to maintain a stronger bond for the rest of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Once they are out of
school
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, they have to work and make a living for
themselves
Punctuation problem
themselves,
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 where they won’t find
time
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 for their loved ones. Coming to shorter
school
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holidays
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, they help the
children
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 from falling
back
Rephrase
behind
show examples
 in studies
(
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
or
)
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
having
Verb problem
losing
show examples
 interest. With longer
duration
Fix the agreement mistake
durations
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
holidays
Add a comma
holidays,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 take a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 to get back their concentration after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 starts. It has both positive and negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 to it. Shorter
school
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
 help the student to maintain concentration, performance
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 at the same
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they won’t form special bonds which are really important. From my perspective, maintaining strong relationship bonds is more important than just education
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 requires a longer duration of
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first part. Say if you think long holidays are good or not, then give reasons for your choice.
coherence
Plan your essay. Use 4 short paragraphs: intro, view, two sides with a small example, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words. Use words like also, but, then, and so to show how ideas fit.
task response
Add examples. Use real life events or facts you know to support points.
language
Use simple grammar. Check verb form, plural s, and prepositions.
content
The writer gives both sides and a final view.
structure
The topic is clear, and there is some good reasoning.
content
Examples about family time and work are easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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