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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the size of classes in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided pie chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the size of classes and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 primary schools
enforce
Change preposition
in enforce
show examples
states
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of in
show examples
in
Correct word order
Australia in
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the calendary
show examples
calendary
Correct your spelling
calendar
 year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, units measured the percentage
Punctuation problem
. .between
show examples
.between
Correct your spelling
Between
charts
Correct article usage
the charts
show examples
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 large number
Change preposition
of stdents
show examples
stdents
Correct your spelling
students
around
Verb problem
is around
show examples
 50%.
Firstly
Linking Words
, four
states
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 concluded least
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30
students
Use synonyms
 or more
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 5%. But the high
numbe
Correct your spelling
number
 in 21-25
stdent
Correct your spelling
students
 in all
states
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
South and
western
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
states
Use synonyms
 have 30% and 26-30
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. In return
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 lease number in 30
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 or more. To
summarize
Use the right word
summarise
show examples
 the data
all
Punctuation problem
, all
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
states
Use synonyms
 have around 40%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 20
students
Use synonyms
 or fewer.
Additionally
Linking Words
, we can conclude the least
in of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 all
data
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
 in South
Australia
Use synonyms
. And return the most of high data Western
Australia
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has 27% in 26-30
students
Use synonyms
, 26% in 20
students
Use synonyms
 or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fewer , 24% in 21-25
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 and the least number is 5% in 30
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 or more

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words states, australia, students, student with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary school
  • class size
  • proportion
  • average
  • trends
  • small/medium/large classes
  • implications
  • quality of education
  • teacher workload
  • comparison
  • variance
  • state-by-state analysis
  • education policy
  • statistical representation
  • pie chart interpretation
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