IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that adults should take full responsibility for saving money for their own future, while others think this could have negative effects on their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

is
Correct pronoun usage
It is
show examples
 essential for people to take care of their financial situation , especially
adults
Use synonyms
.
Adults
Use synonyms
 should save
money
Use synonyms
 earlier to reduce the financial pressure.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the agreement and disagreement with
this
Linking Words
 claim and
evidence
Verb problem
provide evidence
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with examples. A significant proportion of individuals hold the view that
adults
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for saving
money
Use synonyms
 for their own future.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
adults
Use synonyms
 should find their own ways to save
money
Use synonyms
. There are many effective ways that ensure consistency to save
money
Use synonyms
 until reaching goals.
Firstly
Linking Words
, setting aside around 25% of someone's salary, even if it is small,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Punctuation problem
year,
show examples
adults
Use synonyms
 will find that it is worth it and continue to save it.
For example
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
an adults'
show examples
adults'
Check wording
adult's
show examples
 salary is around 5000 riyals, the cutoff will be 300 riyals. Another effective strategy is to open a bank account and seek a suitable savings plan depending on your financial situation.
For instance
Linking Words
, AL Rajhi bank offers an account that
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 the customer to deposit 300 riyals and restricts access to these funds unless they request a transfer to their current account, which helps to prevent unnecessary spending.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people hold the belief that
this
Linking Words
 negatively affects
adults
Use synonyms
growing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in many aspects ,
such
Linking Words
 as sleeping quality and nutrition.
Adults
Use synonyms
'
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 will be affected by
this
Linking Words
 issue because they will think about how to save
money
Use synonyms
 before sleeping
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that affects the depth of their sleep , and
then
Linking Words
 leads to a serious health problem called insomnia. Nutrition is another aspect that may
also
Linking Words
 suffer, as young people who are busy looking for different sources to acquire
money
Use synonyms
 mean they will skip mealtimes , and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, they will sleep from being tired without food. In conclusion, it is crucial to save
money
Use synonyms
 to achieve goals without worrying about the youngest because it is badly impacting their sleeping, eating and life in general.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve task response by clearly stating both sides in separate sections and state your own view at the end.
coherence
Work on a clear plan for your pieces: a simple start, the main points with details, and a short finish that links to the question.
examples
Use exact facts and avoid wrong numbers. Use simple examples that fit your point.
cohesion
Link ideas well within and between paragraphs with simple tie words.
grammar
Check grammar and write in plain, easy sentences to avoid errors.
content
You try to talk about both sides, not just one.
structure
You use words that show the order of ideas (Firstly, On the other hand, In conclusion).

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: