In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, many countries
witnessed
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have witnessed
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an increase in
advertisements
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which aim to persuade
children
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to purchase snacks,
toys
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, and other goods.
Parents
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usually claim that these
advertisements
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are not fair.
This
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essay will discuss both views and clarify my opinion. On the one hand, a significant number of people believe that
advertisements
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affect
children
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and increase their demands even if they do not need them. Advertising
toys
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, snacks and other goods attracted
children
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's attention to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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without worrying about the item's importance and the impact whether it is positive or negative
to
Change preposition
on
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them. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
,
children
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ignore the importance of the products
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for
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, for
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instance, buying a toy that they already have but in
different
Correct article usage
a different
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color
Use the right word
colour
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. Some of the advertisement products are not suitable for kids,
for
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example
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example,
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games that contain violence
not
Verb problem
are not
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allowed
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
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they pester their
parents
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to buy it without knowing the impact on them.
On the other hand
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, many people argue that
advertisements
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are fair for their
children
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, especially if it designed for them.
Parents
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will
offers
Wrong verb form
offer
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anything that their kids ask them
,
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.
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For example
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,
toys
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not
Verb problem
are not
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all
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toys
Check wording
apply
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designed for one age group
each
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; each
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age can have different
level
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levels
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of
toys
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.My opinion is that we should care about what our
children
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see through TV and social
medias
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media
show examples
since
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
are a lot of
advertisement
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advertisements
show examples
appear
Correct pronoun usage
that appear
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to be good for them
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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in real it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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not. In conclusion,
Advertisment
Correct your spelling
Advertising
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
and
children
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decide to buy any of the advertising contents. Some
Parents
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claim that these ads are unfair
others
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, others
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claim that it is fair. My opinion is that a
carful
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careful
show examples
look from
parents
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will protect their
children
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from being asked something
not
Verb problem
they don't
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necessarily.

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planning
Plan before you write. Make a short plan with your main idea for both sides and your own view.
grammar
Grammar needs work. There are many wrong verbs and wrong use of 'a' and 'the'.
style
Use shorter, clearer sentences.
content
Add real examples for each side.
structure
End with a clear view and a short summary.
content
The essay tries to cover both views and shows an opinion.
structure
It has a clear start and finish.
coherence
There are links between ideas in some parts.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
What to do next:
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