IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages?

There is no denying the fact that some kids need to have a
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
work
Check wording
job
show examples
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held
beilfe
Correct your spelling
belief
 that I prefer to motivate the children to get work
.
Verb problem
done.
show examples
 There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my opinion, I consider that recent study in 2000, some kids occupy to have a lot of money because they start early.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there was
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
said
Correct pronoun usage
that said
show examples
 if the parents make their sons
rich
Punctuation problem
rich,
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 will more better.
In other words
Linking Words
, you have to give your sons a car when he made something
valued
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are many ways to support your family by
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 online business,
travailing
Verb problem
travelling
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 job
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to have more
time
Use synonyms
 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school so you
gain
Wrong verb form
can earn
show examples
 a lot of
dollars
Check wording
money
show examples
.  Another point to consider
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some people think that
encouraged
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 other people is a good thing
to grow
Change preposition
for growing
show examples
 up. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that having more budget
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life comfortable and rich.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you have more
costs
Punctuation problem
costs,
show examples
 you will not think about anything
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 difficult life, food and vehicle.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study was
in
Verb problem
conducted in
show examples
 Saudi Arabia about the basic salary that the employees
have
Verb problem
received, with
show examples
 over 50%
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
got
Verb problem
receiving
show examples
 less. In conclusion, despite people having different
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
, I believe that better to have many
soureces
Correct your spelling
sources
help you to
Correct word order
to help you
show examples
 gain house, gym, business and phone. I my opinion, I will go with encourage my sisters to go to half work.

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task
State your view clearly in the first line and end with a clear conclusion.
coherence
Give one main idea per paragraph and back it with simple, real examples.
coherence
Use linking words to show order, like first, then, also, but.
language
Check grammar and spell common words to avoid errors.
content
The writer tries to discuss both sides of the topic.
language
Some attempt is made to use examples to back ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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