IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many parts of the world, people are living longer than they used to. Some believe this can cause problems, while others think an aging population can bring advantages for businesses, governments, and society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, citizens in many parts of the world have started living longer than they used to. Some believe that
has
Correct pronoun usage
it has
show examples
 positive
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
this
Linking Words
 brings more problems than benefits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Supporters of the first view argue that civilians living longer than usual is good for the country they are in.
This
Linking Words
 is because older individuals can work longer and care at home and hold society together, which can lead to more friendly vibes in the
parts
Use the right word
places
show examples
 they are in.
For example
Linking Words
, two friends who grew up together
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
late
Correct article usage
the late
show examples
 70s can provide future friendships between each other kids and may even have marital benefits. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective,
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 average age is useful.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents believe that
Correct article usage
an aging
show examples
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 population can bring disadvantages. They claim that older people take opportunities from the
society
Check wording
society's
show examples
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
show examples
, which results in future under-quality work.
For instance
Linking Words
, a surgeon who only retired when he passed
70-year-old
Correct your spelling
70 years old
, after he retired
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
30-year-old surgeon took his place
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 though he
has not got
Verb problem
had
show examples
any
Correct determiner usage
no
show examples
 experience.
Therefore
Linking Words
, older people can cause unfortunate consequences. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
Correct article usage
an aging
show examples
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 population can have both benefits and disadvantages depending on the city state, because not every scenario leads to the same result
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 state of the country can lead to
sveral
Correct your spelling
several
 results. A balanced approach might involve evaluating the
curent
Correct your spelling
current
 state of the
city
Check wording
city's
show examples
economics
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and possible results, allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
 understand if
Correct article usage
an aging
show examples
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 population is a problem before trying to solve it. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 both of the previous views can be the right view if they were in the right scenario.
Finally
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 maintain that
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should reconsider possibilities before acting.

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improvement
Make each idea clear. Start with one point, then explain it with a simple example.
improvement
Use good linking words to connect ideas (but, and, however).
improvement
Check grammar and spelling often to avoid mistakes like affects/effects and 'curent' or 'economics'.
tip
Agree your own view in a clear final sentence.
tip
Keep to simple, short sentences if you are not sure how to write long ones.
strength
You show both sides of the issue.
strength
You give your own view at the end.
strength
There is a clear start and end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • older people
  • longer life
  • health care
  • money
  • jobs
  • work
  • business
  • government
  • society
  • policy
  • retirement
  • retire
  • age
  • family
  • care
  • hospital
  • home
  • plan
  • grow
  • market
  • education
  • community
  • city
What to do next:
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