IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 word
The two
bar
Fix the agreement mistake
bars
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illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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 the variation regarding the proportion of individuals who are Australian
national
Fix the agreement mistake
nationals
show examples
 and other born outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia and living in three different sectors
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as urban, rural, and town
Punctuation problem
, by
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
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 over 15 years
Overall
Linking Words
, from beginning to end, the percentage of people who
born
Verb problem
were born
show examples
 outside
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 higher in cities,
where as
Use the right word
whereas
show examples
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of individuals from rural areas are greater in
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
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where
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shows
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 drop in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 respectively. Let me begin by describing the ratio in 1991,
according to
Linking Words
 data, the born rate of people in both Australia and without are
greater
Verb problem
is greater
show examples
 in cities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was approximately 50 % and 60 % respectively.
Where as
Use the right word
Whereas
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, in
towns
Add a comma
towns,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 was reached around 20 % for Australia-born and 10 % for non-Australian.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant change in rural areas where
non-citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
non-citizens
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exhibits
Wrong verb form
exhibited
show examples
 40 % which was 10 % higher than Australian nationality.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15 years, the ratio of outside-born and inside people
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reached
up to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 % and 10 %
Linking Words
accordingly
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the pattern for town and rural in inside-born was similar as compared to outside-born
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rapidly
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to approximately 15 % and 10 % respectively.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percent
  • percentage
  • share
  • born in Australia
  • born outside Australia
  • Australia-born
  • urban
  • rural
  • town
  • 1995
  • 2010
  • increase
  • increases
  • increasing
  • decrease
  • decreases
  • decreasing
  • rise
  • rose
  • rises
  • move
  • moved
  • moving
  • gap
  • difference
  • overall
  • trend
  • pattern
  • more
  • less
  • higher
  • lower
  • than
  • from
  • to
  • between
  • area
  • areas
  • city
  • cities
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