In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The issue of whether people should move away from their families and friends in order to pursue employment opportunities has been widely debated. Admittedly, relocation can provide individuals with broader career prospects.
However
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, I would argue that the disadvantages of
this
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trend outweigh its benefits. One drawback is that people who leave their hometown for work may suffer from psychological difficulties,
such
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as loneliness and stress. Living in an unfamiliar city without a support network forces individuals to confront problems and obstacles on their own.
For instance
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, newcomers often struggle to build new friendships, which increases the likelihood of emotional distress compared to those who remain close to family and friends. Another disadvantage is the loss of valuable family time. As parents grow older, the opportunity to accompany them becomes increasingly limited.
For example
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, one of my friends moved away from her hometown as a university student and rarely visited her parents. Tragically, the
last
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time she saw them was in
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
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after a serious car accident.
This
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highlights the unpredictable nature of life and the importance of cherishing family companionship. In conclusion,
while
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relocating for employment may bring some professional opportunities, the emotional and familial costs are more significant.
Therefore
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, I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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task response
You present a clear view but add more on how moving away can help. Add one clear point on the advantages and explain with one good example.
examples
Make your example more real. It helps to show how a move can change work and life.
coherence
Link ideas with more simple words. Use words like also, but, however, and for example so the flow is clear.
grammar
Check small grammar. Use simple, easy phrases and clear punctuation.
task response
Clear stance on the issue.
coherence
Good use of linking words.
content
Examples from life support ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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