IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? *Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*

Various processed
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 and beverages could be detrimental to the public's health.
Products
Use synonyms
 with higher
sugar
Use synonyms
 content should be pricier to discourage consumers from purchasing these items. I believe that increasing the price of these items
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a viable
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be aware of the harm these
products
Use synonyms
 cause and hold themselves accountable when consuming them. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to compare prices when buying their groceries
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 increase in price could easily persuade them to put these items back
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the shelves. Since families often have
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 budget, they often choose the cheaper alternatives. If a soft
drinks
Fix the agreement mistake
drink
show examples
 costs more than the healthy option, many
shopper
Fix the agreement mistake
shoppers
show examples
 will choose the latter one.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the UK introduced a
sugar
Use synonyms
 tax on soft drinks in 2018, many consumers switched to cheaper low-
sugar
Use synonyms
 versions. In short,
this
Linking Words
 shows that making sugary
products
Use synonyms
 more expensive is an effective way to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to reduce their
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, countries should ensure that
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 citizens are aware of the health hazards that come with overconsumption of sugary foods and drinks. Most
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware that excessive consumption of these
products
Use synonyms
 could lead to various health issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, schools play a fundamental role
to promote
Change preposition
in promoting
show examples
 younger
individuals
Use synonyms
 to eat well
balanced
Correct word choice
well-balanced
show examples
 diet and avoid foods with high
sugar
Use synonyms
 content. Early education on
this
Linking Words
 topic could save them later
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life from falling
victims
Fix the agreement mistake
victim
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 to diseases like diabetes, obesity and high
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 levels. In brief, rational
individuals
Use synonyms
 can make better choices in what they decide to consume.
To conclude
Linking Words
, tackling excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption requires effort
fromboth
Correct your spelling
from both
 the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 and
individuals
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can discourage unhealthy habits by regulating prices,
people
Use synonyms
 themselves must be responsible for choosing a balanced diet.

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grammar
Fix grammar and spell many, and use short, clear sentences. Check subject and verb in every sentence.
structure
Make the intro and end strong. Say your view in one line, then list your two main points. End with a short result.
coherence
Use clear link words so the idea go in a smooth path. Use words like first, also, but, and next to join ideas.
content
Give more proof or fact to back points. The sugar tax example is good; add more explain how it made people pick less sugar.
lexis
Choose common words and simple form. Avoid hard or long phrases. Check spelling of 'cholesterol' and other words.
idea
You show a clear view that higher price can cut sugar use.
structure
You use a real example (UK sugar tax) to back your point.
commitment
You present both sides and finish with a note for both government and people.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar
  • price
  • cost
  • tax
  • expensive
  • cheaper
  • buy
  • eat
  • drink
  • less
  • more
  • health
  • healthy
  • ill
  • disease
  • tooth
  • decay
  • money
  • save
  • fund
  • government
  • plan
  • people
  • family
  • poor
  • rich
  • income
  • country
  • example
  • change
  • result
  • policy
  • education
  • label
  • habit
  • choice
  • option
  • market
  • shop
  • company
  • soft drink
  • weight
  • obesity
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