IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, fastfood restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promote their products.do you think this is a positive development or negatively development?

Nowadays, schools are provided funds by, fasfood restaurants
as well as
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 supermarket to promote their
products
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. Some people believe
this
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 approach is positive ,
while
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 others argue and state that
this
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 is a negative development. Both
the
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apply
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views , along with my opinion, are discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. Why do people believe
this
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 approach leads to negative development?. There are several reasons for
this
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 notion.
Firstly
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, schools could use these
products
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 in their food menus.
As a result
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,
this
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 could lead to adverse effects on students' diet
as well as
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, by consuming fast food in their daily routine, could have a huge impact on health issues
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 obesity, etc.
In addition
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, promoting
products
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 can affect the reputation of the
school
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 in a negative manner.
In other words
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, as per a report published in the Times of India on 29th May 2012, many schools in Nepal had to face several legal issues
,
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apply
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while
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 selling junk food at
school
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 to advertise a product which was not healthy for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children under the age of 15.
Thus
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, these are some reasons owing to which it is believed
a
Verb problem
to be a
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negative approach.
On the other hand
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, advertising commodities at the
school
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 has several benefits , one of the key advantages could be an increase in sales of the
products
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. The more students buy the product at
school
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, the more they are influenced and force their parents to buy the product at the store.
Hence
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,
this
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 could lead to huge profit margins for the stores.
To conclude
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,
although
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this
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 way of promoting goods has benefits
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 an increase in profit of the store, I believe
this
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 is a negative development because
,
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apply
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 it not only affects the reputation of the
school
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 because they are educating students rather than promoting , but
also
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 has have effect on the health of the children.

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task
Give a clear answer at the start and state your view, then discuss the sides before giving your final stance.
coherence
Arrange ideas in a logical order and use simple linking words (first, also, however, then) to show how ideas connect.
grammar
Keep one main idea per paragraph and check your grammar and punctuation to avoid run-on sentences.
examples
Use real, simple examples that fit the topic (health impact and money from ads) and keep facts clear.
accuracy
Be careful with facts; avoid wrong places or dates, and keep to the topic.
structure
There is a clear introduction and a conclusion.
balance
The writer shows both sides of the issue.
content
The essay touches on health and money effects from ads at school.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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